The art of Self-Sabotage

Beautiful Sunset from this Week

How’d the last week go for you? If you’re anyone like me, this last week naturally had its own ups, downs, and perfectly neutral days. There’s a rhythm that generally presents itself week after week. A few goals get accomplished, a few issues pop up that need to be dealt with, and some things just get maintained. Some things get ignored, and at some point those things that have been ignored decide to jump out and be noticed. This last year has been a year of mistakes. And each of these mistakes have always led to larger problems, that often could have been avoided if I would’ve been paying closer attention.  

Full of Feed, no way to Feed it

                This last week I was making a new batch of hog feed, and super excited to get a good high quality feed ration out to my hogs. Over the years (through trial and error) I’ve learned that it is never worth skimping out on the quality of the feed, no matter how expensive it might be.  Without proper nutrition it always ends up costing way more in the long run simply because it takes a lot more time for the pigs to put on weight.  The first part of the ration is always corn. I store my corn in a grain truck and park my feed mill along side of it, unloading corn into the hammermill. Inside the hammermill are small bars that essentially smash the corn against a screen at a high speed, milling the corn down to a desired consistency.  Once the corn is milled it moves by an auger into a mixing tank where another auger keeps the grain moving to mix it with other ingredients. Once I had the amount of corn that I needed I started adding my concentrates. Dehydrated Sea Kelp, Fish Meal, Soybean Meal, Calcium Carbonate. Each of these additives have a specific purpose in supplying vitamins, minerals, and protein.  Everything got mixed together and it was ready to be unloaded into the hog feeder. I drove the mixer up to the feeder, took off the lid, moved the unloading auger, and flipped the switch. It unloaded and started filling up the feeder…for about 3 minutes. I heard a loud knock and all the feed stopped moving. Something was wrong. I took the grinder to the shop, and after a lot of replacing sheer bolts, and tightening chains, I went to try again. Same thing happened. Back to the shop.

                It turns out that the gear box that runs the mixing tank and the unloading auger went out on me. And further more, the damn thing is full of thousands of pounds of feed. Although this is a huge pain in the ass, and terribly inconvenient it was not a surprise. A few weeks ago when I mixed feed and unloaded it I heard knocking coming from that same gear box. I was concerned, but I put that issue in my “Future Andrew’s Problem” file that I have in my mind, because I didn’t want to take care of the issue then and there. It of course got forgotten about, until it could not longer be forgotten about. So right now, I’m feeding my hogs via carrying buckets until I get a newer feed grinder home this week from a local used farm equipment dealer.

                I have no idea why this type of situation is a lesson that I have to constantly re-learn. It’s a lesson that I’ve sat through and worked through thousands of times, but it never seems to stick. If you see something that needs fixing, and you can fix it, you should fix it, especially when its an issue that is totally within your own realm of influence. For me, I’ve learned that cattle are less likely to get out if they’re content (i.e. don’t be skimpy on feed, if you have trouble with managing the cost of feed for your livestock, you should just sell them off to remove the financial burden from yourself), that there’s no reason for me to drink alcohol by myself if I’m able to be content with other areas of my life by myself ( I enjoy drinking socially, but now the thought of how I used drink by myself out of pure boredom makes my stomach turn) and everything goes a lot better if I’m well rested. If anyone of these things gets out of balance then I know that it is going to cause bigger problems, more stress, and more wear and tear on my mind, body, and spirit. And if I were to ignore the small initial annoyances and continue down that road it seems to me that the consequences garner interest. So instead of an ant-hill sized problem, you end up with a mountain sized problem. I’d rather stick with the ant-hill sized problem.

Spreading Manure from a few years ago…Manure doesn’t do any good if you let it just pile up in one place…Same is true for ourselves.

We all have defects within our character. A lot of these defects arise usually from a place of insecurity, fear, or some form of self loathing, and generally they are learned. Initially it really sucks to dive deep into these areas of ourselves that end up causing a lot of self sabotage, but if you want to avoid a mountain sized hellish outcome for yourself, its worth it. I’m not there yet, but I’m a heck of a lot better than where I was.  Just keep practicing and aiming up, for your own well-being at the very least. Once you start doing that for yourself, and you get half way decent at it, maybe you could be there for someone else~

Selfie with Gals~~

I just want to thank you for reading this blog! I’m currently working on having an active presence on social media to give people a glimpse into the work and life of this farm. Sometimes its pretty, sometimes its gross, sometimes its boring, but it is what it is. This whole venture is not possible without people who choose to support this farm by purchasing its products, and sharing its content. Feel encouraged to do both! And if you have any questions, thoughts, or recipes that’d you’d like to share please send them!

Much Peace~

Andrew

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